Thursday, July 12, 2007

"One of These Things is Not Like the Others"

Alright, kind of a stretch on the whole "only use song titles for post titles" thing, I know. Blame these two. Anyway, this is what I wanted to talk about:


All three of these men turned 70 years old this year. D-mn Bill! What's up! Can't hire a good stylist? You and Billy Dee have the same hairline and Han's main man can pull it off, but you?

I'm kidding of course. Billy Dee has always looked better than poor Bill, and Dr. Cosby has always been more about substance than style. [Let's not get started on which particular god Warren prays towards to keep that hair.]

Warren Beatty is a good actor that I have enjoyed in many roles over the years, and Billy Dee Williams portrayed the third coolest character in the Star Wars universe, but it is Bill Cosby who is the man.

I dig the funny. Today my humor is a mix of lots of people, comedians, actors, writers, friends of mine, and my father. I think everyone who is even the slightest bit funny now, has to have funny parents. You can't learn funny later in life. If your dad is a stockbroker who never laughs and your mother is a doctor who can't be bothered to tell a joke, then you my friend will never truly be funny. Sure, you can watch some VH1 and quote the caustic humor machine that is "Best Week Ever" and you can watch HBO stand up routines until you are blue in the face; but to really be funny, you have to have great parents.

My dad introduced me to Bill Cosby at a very early age. He had Bill Cosby: Himself on vinyl. Later I saw the TV special, and read many of his books. Of course even the first few seasons of The Cosby show had that same kind of humor as well. But it was that first album that I can still hear in my head. If you don't know the album, or the TV special, get yourself to youtube, check it out, and then go buy it. He curses like once, and he's ten times as funny as modern guys who can't go three sentences without mother-f'ing somebody. For those of you who do know, then how can you not hear his voice:

It was because of my father that from the ages of seven to fifteen, I thought that my name was Jesus Christ and my brother, Russell, thought that his name was Dammit . "Dammit, will you stop all that noise?" And, "Jesus Christ, sit down!" One day, I'm out playing in the rain, and my father yelled, "Dammit, will you get back in here!" I said, "But, Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!"

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are.


My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you."

"That's not the same woman I grew up with, you're looking at an old person who's trying to get into Heaven now."

Ribbinse?! You ask me to ribbinse?! Ibe habve no bobbom libbip! How can I ribbinse?!!

I've always heard about people having a conniption but I've never seen one

"And tired" always follows "sick". Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "Well I am just sick," and I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.

and my favorite, the one that I still end up singing by the end of:

Dad is great! Give us the Chocolate Great!

Thank you Dad, and Happy Birthday Dr. Cosby.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Coincidentally, Morgan Freeman also turned 70 this year.

Anastasia B. said...

Now you need something to drink with the chocolate cake. Something breakfast... Grapefruit juice!

GOD, I love that performance. And I totally agree about funny parents. I'd have no personality at all were it not for the oddness of both mom & dad. I think it was my dad that introduced us to Bill, but our family still uses those lines to this day. In fact, my mom screamed something at my last night! The Jeffrey routine. Hilarious. :)

Anonymous said...

Beatty rules!

Unknown said...

How did I mis Morgan Freeman! Awesome actor, just look at that smile. You know he's getting more action that Beatty, Bill, or Billy Dee!